supergee: (cthulhu)
[personal profile] supergee
It is here suggested that one should judge a restaurant burger not by the burger itself but by the little glob of slimed vegetation in a tiny cup next to the burger, the theory being that food and its preparation should be judged holistically, that the care given to the cole slaw, that smallest of adjuncts to the meal, indicates the restaurant’s feeling about the task as a whole. Maybe. My own approach would be to want the place to concentrate its efforts on the essential part of the meal, rather than on a side dish which, for most of us, is purely decorative.

I wonder if there is something about cole slaw that makes it a focus for bizarre food beliefs, as it is closely related to one of the culinary areas about which I am differently sane. A Sturgeonesque 90% of the cole slaw in the world is adulterated with mayonnaise, a repugnant white slime that I am convinced is no true food but a bodily secretion of hideous-looking space aliens. The nasty stuff is becoming more prevalent; we are now told that no cheesesteak is complete without it. If I were really paranoid, I would conclude that the aliens who generate the stuff are doing so for purposes of mind control, and that people considering it the most important part of the meal are falling under its spell.

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Arthur D. Hlavaty

March 2025

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