supergee | (Reply)

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The first commentaries about Lennon and Reznor are indeed telling about individuals; they say little of what each person understood to be the nature of love, or how they evolved; I have no idea whether Reznor reached his admirable state only after being a complete dick earlier in life, but I note that, by the time Lennon was murdered, he had made gigantic strides away from dickdom.

However, that's not the question at ultimate hand.

When it comes to that, I will, with respect, suggest that the essay proceeds from a faulty assumption that renders its central conceit problematic. I believe the writer is labeling as "love" something that's clearly only one small facet of a multifaceted jewel.

Firstly, what he describes seems to be focused solely on romantic relationships, which represents not nearly the totality of love. Even within that small province of a huge country, what he describes seems to me to be chemical attraction, first flush stuff - and, yes, first flush can last years under the right (or wrong) circumstances, believe me, I know, but it's still just first flush stuff and it does indeed fade.

That's an ingredient; it's not the sole ingredient.

Biblical exhortations are generally wrong-headed, but I do like what Paul (another major dick who, nonetheless, could occasional grasp the numinously and permanently true) says in First Corinthians: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth." That covers all forms of love, and doesn't preclude the idea that love requires work, the occasional annoyed kick in the pants, etc.

Love is what lasts, and generally what lasts burns warm and steady and sustainably. It involves friendship and keen observation, passion both sexual and non-sexual; it is what you feel for friends, for lovers, for confidantes, for sisters, for mothers, for fathers ... and I think it's so large that, done right, it can be all you need, because it's both the catalyst to keep you going in any relationship, and the relationship itself.

(Also, when I think about the phrase "love is all you need" I rarely think about romantic love. I always end the phrase thusly in my head: "love is all you need to start the job." And frankly, I suspect that even poor old blinkered and spottily imperfect John Lennon grasped at least a corner of that truth when the phrase was first penned.)