Arthur D. Hlavaty

Not for the weak of stomach

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 10:10:17 GMT

Food crimes [BuzzFeed] This discussion started with the alleged crime of putting pineapple on pizza, which I have done and have no shame about. To me, putting cruciferous vegetables on pizza is a food crime. Pizza was meant to be junk food.

Thanx to Metafilter

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“Selective”

Tue, 23 Jul 2019 10:49:58 GMT

On being a picky eater (I’ m one too.) [Vice]

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“If you enter a seafood restaurant and smell fish, leave.”

Tue, 28 May 2019 09:47:38 GMT

Red flags for restaurants [BuzzFeed]

Thanx to Follow Me Here

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Ultimate pepper

Sat, 25 May 2019 23:39:02 GMT

It kills.

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Politicians eat it

Tue, 11 Sep 2018 11:21:25 GMT

It says here that Cynthia Nixon’s bagel order was “horrifying.” (She ordered lox on a cinnamon raisin bagel.) What horrifies me is the possibility that the candidate I’m going to vote for might lose because of bagel incorrectness.

Of course it seems likely that this sort of thing amuses pundits but has never once decided an election. There seems to be one of them every year. (~~Gore~~ Kerry got caught putting incorrect cheese on his cheesesteak, so Bush lied and said he hadn’t done the same, but that’s not why he won. I would vote for a candidate with good ideas even if she put mayo on a cheesesteak.)

The whole thing is symbolic. (Symbolic of junk, as Mel Brooks would say.) I the politician love you people so much that I will choke down whatever alleged food you love. As long as the people who think “That’s just your education talking” is a reasonable argument get one vote each (and I see no better alternative), we have to be able to get down on all fours and look at things from the voter’s point of view.

Reminder: I am not a reactionary; I am a condescending liberal elitist. Just because people think that being a successful businessperson is a qualification for the presidency, and that Trump was one, doesn’t mean they should face financial ruin if they dare to get sick.

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Jars of Hellman's I sing

Tue, 14 Aug 2018 10:38:58 GMT

Yesterday I linked to an article entitled “How Millennials Killed Mayonnaise.” People have been saying that it’s not a very good article. Perhaps I was carried away by the theme of getting rid of an alleged food product that is actually Satan’s spooge or an alien body secretion of particular repulsiveness. So, in the interests of fairness, here is Amal El-Mohtar on Twitter with the other side.

Thanx to File 770

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In Tory Britain Sandwich Eats You

Sun, 26 Nov 2017 12:09:37 GMT

How the sandwich consumed a nation.

Thanx to andrewducker

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Spicy story

Sun, 12 Nov 2017 12:37:57 GMT

Growing up in the spice trade

Thanx to andrewducker

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Out of time

Mon, 12 Jun 2017 10:14:04 GMT

I fear that if I ever hear a song by Nickelback, I will like it. I have a lamentable inability to recognize the awfulness of things we are supposed to despise, such as Comic Sans. And now I am reminded of another form of excessive tolerance I suffer from with the death of Sam Panopulos, inventor of pineapple pizza. I like pineapple pizza and refuse to accept the condescension of its enemies, especially those who put cruciferous and other boring vegetables on theirs. (I perform praeteritio upon Japanese pizza with mayonnaise. Never judge a nation by its food.)

Thanx to Metafilter

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Cole slaw as religion

Mon, 29 Aug 2016 10:06:51 GMT

It is here suggested that one should judge a restaurant burger not by the burger itself but by the little glob of slimed vegetation in a tiny cup next to the burger, the theory being that food and its preparation should be judged holistically, that the care given to the cole slaw, that smallest of adjuncts to the meal, indicates the restaurant’s feeling about the task as a whole. Maybe. My own approach would be to want the place to concentrate its efforts on the essential part of the meal, rather than on a side dish which, for most of us, is purely decorative.

I wonder if there is something about cole slaw that makes it a focus for bizarre food beliefs, as it is closely related to one of the culinary areas about which I am differently sane. A Sturgeonesque 90% of the cole slaw in the world is adulterated with mayonnaise, a repugnant white slime that I am convinced is no true food but a bodily secretion of hideous-looking space aliens. The nasty stuff is becoming more prevalent; we are now told that no cheesesteak is complete without it. If I were really paranoid, I would conclude that the aliens who generate the stuff are doing so for purposes of mind control, and that people considering it the most important part of the meal are falling under its spell.

Thanx to Follow Me Here

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Some things man was not meant to experiment with

Tue, 09 Aug 2016 10:09:27 GMT

Designing the perfect food to eat while driving

Thanx to Metafilter

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You are what you eat

Mon, 23 Nov 2015 10:36:25 GMT

Psychopaths are more likely to eat bitter food.

Thanx to Metafilter

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What We Really Like to Eat When No One is Looking

Sun, 05 Jul 2015 10:00:29 GMT

I always thought I don't eat like a normal person. But maybe it's normal not to eat like a normal person.

Thanx to Metafilter

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Cuisine

Mon, 25 May 2015 11:30:04 GMT

Artisanal cocktail ice, and on the other side, the vulgarians *raises hand* who want their food on plates

Thanx to andrewducker

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Baloney!

Wed, 06 May 2015 13:42:31 GMT

The State of Maine considers it an emergency that the poor are eating lunch meat.

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Salty Watermelon Pepsi

Fri, 27 Mar 2015 11:26:48 GMT

Food combinations man was not meant to experiment with, bolstered with Horrible Examples from Japan, which does food like it does porn. A nation that puts mayonnaise on pizza is capable of anything culinary.

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Somebody else's battle

Sat, 31 Jan 2015 13:08:03 GMT

Chili wars

Thanx to andrewducker

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I always said it looked almost good enough to eat

Sun, 25 Jan 2015 23:42:46 GMT

Educational sushi (mildly NSFW)

Thanx to Body Impolitic

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Watery Leaf Sludge

Wed, 29 Oct 2014 11:32:11 GMT

Perils of the tea teetotaler

Thanx to andrewducker

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Good news for Homer Simpson and Rand Paul

Wed, 13 Nov 2013 11:13:18 GMT

Your donuts are safe!

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Once again, the Right panics over something I don't find tempting

Sat, 19 Oct 2013 10:07:12 GMT

Salsa: threat or menace?

Thanx to Pandagon.

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Strange customs

Mon, 23 Sep 2013 09:51:55 GMT

Eating huge red bugs.

Thanx to xkcd

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Coffee

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 11:02:06 GMT

A while ago, John Scalzi did a post saying that coffee tastes like ass. Now he admits that he drinks it when there's lots of other stuff in it. He says that coffee is popular just because it's a drug, but it can't be as simple as that, because there's a market for decaf coffee but not for cocaine-free crack.

I like coffee insofar as it aspires to the condition of ice cream: lots of sweet stuff, lots of milklike stuff, a little coffee. It may taste like ass all by itself, but it makes the other ingredients taste better. Coffee is a seasoning.

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The Starch Merchants

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 10:45:58 GMT

Frederik Pohl suggests that we not subsidize the foods we don't want people to eat.

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The flavor network

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 23:10:48 GMT

A map of tastes. Mushrooms are an island.

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