That's one that I don't even understand why people do: telling someone "he's dead. remember?" about a relative might be the speaker defending their own sense of reality/time, in the moment. But taking people to the cemetery takes thought and effort.
I wonder how much of it is the American obsession with truth at all costs and how much is the irrational hope that This Time They'll Remember And Get Their Cognition Back.
Either way it's flipping cruel, yes. I hope people read this article and stop doing this.
Yeah I just went with whatever my mom thought was happening, including agreeing that I had a sister and that her brother was still alive and that she was going to go home as soon as she got well. Heartbreaking, but trying to force reality on her would have been worse.
When a friend's grandmother asked where her (dead) husband was over and over again, they told her, "he's with family, he's with [other recently dead relative names]," or, "he's out with friends, he's with [recently dead friend]," and then she was calm and satisfied.
Sometimes she would say, "Well, he's been gone a long time," and they would say, "yes, but we don't have to worry, he's with [whoever they said before]," and she would agree that that was true and settle down.
They picked recently dead relatives, because there was serious risk that if they picked long-dead relatives, she would remember that they were dead and be upset.
The thought that my father is with his mother actually comforts my great-aunt who is entirely mentally sharp, so I don't see why it shouldn't comfort people with dementia too if it works them.
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Either way it's flipping cruel, yes. I hope people read this article and stop doing this.
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(And yes, I have lost three people I dearly loved to dementia, not counting Terry Pratchett.)
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Sometimes she would say, "Well, he's been gone a long time," and they would say, "yes, but we don't have to worry, he's with [whoever they said before]," and she would agree that that was true and settle down.
They picked recently dead relatives, because there was serious risk that if they picked long-dead relatives, she would remember that they were dead and be upset.
The thought that my father is with his mother actually comforts my great-aunt who is entirely mentally sharp, so I don't see why it shouldn't comfort people with dementia too if it works them.
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Cemeteries are not places of peace and remembered joy.